Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
