From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
