What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
