I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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