I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
