I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
