im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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