oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
