Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
