making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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