Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
