They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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