If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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