it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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