What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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