so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
