He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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