My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
