ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
