wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
