went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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