my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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