I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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