i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
