didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
