I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
