He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
