Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
