Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
home. puking in laundry basket.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
