I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
