worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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