it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
