bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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