so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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