i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
