i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
