You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
