I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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