Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
