omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
