Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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