So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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