Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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