before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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