Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
