life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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