I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
