i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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