he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
