I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
