My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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