So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
