and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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