I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
