I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
