This is the prime rib incident all over again
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
