OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'd cum for enchiladas.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
