He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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