How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
