Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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