just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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