I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
