I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
