speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
