doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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