Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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